Improving your communication skills

What most of us don't realise is that one of the most fundamental aspects of being a good communicator, is the ability to listen. Listening is the most important tool that you can make use of in order to become a great communicator because when you are able to hear what your audience are telling you, you are able to tailor your speech to really mean something to the person or people that you are addressing.

How many of us think of communication as being about being a great orator or a clever wit, or a master of the written word?

If we look at that in a little more depth though we can begin to see why listening skills are the most important tool to develop.

When does a witty comment fail for example? When the speaker has misjudged their audience. When their listening skills have failed so that the comment they find extremely dry and funny drops a clanger because it doesn't have the same appeal to those on the listening end of it.

When does a a decently crafted speech fall on deaf ears? When it is addressed to an audience who can't relate to the topic because it's missing the point of what is important to those in the audience.

Using the information that you have heard from your audience whether in a one to one or a group setting is what makes a good speech great, and convinces people that you have a great gift for communication.

Non-verbal signs that show that you are actively listening to someone else are also an important part of communication. Making appropriate eye contact and nodding or shaking your head to signify agreement or understanding of the issues being discussed, and looking engaged with the speakers' view point, remaining alert while someone else is talking, not glazing over and simply waiting for a break in conversation so you can steer it back to your favourite topic of the  moment.

Another good communication tool is to repeat back some of the other persons conversation in order to i) show you are listening and ii) check understanding. You can do this either by picking up on the end of their sentence and repeating it back to them before you add your input or summarising your understanding of what they have said in order to ensure that they can follow your contribution and judge it's relevance to their input.

Mirroring the posture and actions of the person you are listening to is another effective way of showing that you are paying attention - don't overdo this or it can be extremely annoying and backfire on you, but a little shift to mirror a percentage of your audiences actions can be very powerful in terms of rapport building. 

 Adopting an open relaxed posture is also a good rapport builder, don't cross your arms or legs when in discussion with someone (unless you are mirroring some of their actions and then don't hold that posture for long). Think how potent it is to see a politician in his shirtsleeves, with a relaxed posture, aren't you more ready to listen and take on board what that person is saying?

When you are speaking, be enthusiastic, don't use a monotone, let your passion for what you are talking about shine through, it's often catching - even if the other person is not so terribly interested in the topic, enthusiasm and passion plus knowledge presented in an excited, light hearted fashion that reflects what you have heard from the other person in conversation makes for a very uplifting conversational experience :)